Friday, August 10, 2007

Let's make the Rapture delicious!

Oh, the things one finds online. While searching for gazpacho variations, I encountered a site that lists the foods one should hoard in preparation for the End Times.

Now, I know I don't really need to worry about these things--come the Rapture, I'm hardly likely to be counted among the saved--but just in case, I figured I should take a look at the suggested shopping list.

Corned beef. Herring. Cream of broccoli soup. Something called "Kraft Pasteurized Processed Cheeze-Spreat." And a twenty-ounce jar of horseradish.

This is what the faithful have to look forward to? Top Ramen, Vienna sausage and dried prunes? And these are the people who have been good?

Yeah, that's not gonna work for me. I understand the pantry needs to be stocked with long-lasting foods, but is there any reason they can't be interesting? Tasty? Decadent?

black truffle paste?

Duck confit?

Piquillo peppers stuffed with tuna? Marinated miniature figs? Pozole?

Of course, not everything has to be exotic and gourmet. The Boy, when questioned, said he'd like a couple of cases of good red wine and a dozen boxes of
Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese ...

So what would be your choice?


Blogger Kyle said...

From reading the linked article, the food stuffs are for the time know as the Tribulation. The Wikipedia article on the Rapture (not The Rapture - a band) talks of four views of when the Rapture occurs: Pre-Tibulation, Mid-Tribulation, Prewrath rapture and Post-Tribulation.

From the 3.5 years mentioned in the article, the writer is a Mid-Tribulationist, which seems to be a minority view. So even the "good people" have to endure 3.5 years of End Times. Where's your God now, Grandma Moses?

So the article is written for people who expect to endure 3.5 years of Tribulation and then ascend to their heaven. Hmmm. Rules out foods like Twinkies, summer sausage and ice cream cones for their phallic imagery.

I think the only safe foods are warm milk and oatmeal. Nothing offensive about that and it is self-flagellating enough for anyone who believes the crap on that site.

I can eat anything that I want as there is no end game that bodes well for me. Changing my diet for 3.5 years is not going to put me in the good graces of some megalomaniacal deity.

2:30 PM  

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