The US does not welcome habitually drunk princesses

Yesterday I met with my lawyer again to file for naturalization. He read a list of questions that would come up during the interview, to which I had to be sure to give the correct answer. Examples:

Have you ever voted or registered to vote in the US? (Correct answer: No.)

Have you ever been a member of the Nazi party? (Correct answer: No. Of course, given that I'm in my 30s, I think they should be able to figure that one out.)

Have you ever committed a crime for which you were not arrested? (No. This seems like an odd question, but apparently there have been instances of people answering in the negative and then getting picked up by the cops later that day.)

Do you hold a title of nobility in any other country? (The assumption being that if you do, you probably have a higher sense of allegiance to your throne than to your adoptive, more-theocratic-than-monarchic land.)

Have you ever been a habitual drunkard? (It was probably a good thing to hear this question in advance, as I laughed so hard that I shot neat gin out of my nose.)

Are you willing to bear arms, if requested, to protect the United States?

(Wait ... what?)

Apparently that's part of the Oath of Allegiance you take at the naturalization ceremony, so you have to say yes. Exceptions can be made for Quakers and pacifists, but you have to prove you're one or the other. And, as my lawyer said, "You're female and over 26. they're not going to come after you."

Here's the form (PDF) in its entirety; the good questions start on page 6.

So then I signed some papers, gave him two passport photos and wrote a check for $1000 (the only difficult part of the whole meeting). He files the paperwork on Monday, and then I wait for the call for fingerprinting and the interview.

In the meantime, I need to practice being American. Let's see ... I need this, this and ... this.